My Night As A Food Critic

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Disgusting, horrifying, wet, sub par. Those adjectives perfectly describe my experience at a local restaurant a few nights ago. And sadly, those aren’t exaggerations, not in the slightest.

The restaurant in question is about two blocks away from where I live and it had been in construction for the last four months. I would constantly walk past the store front and see worksmen walking in and out, and as the days went by, a large shiny sign was eventually erected above the shop. Expectations were high, and people were buzzing about this new sandwich place that was opening. With each day, more progress was made, both in construction and hype. A “Help Wanted” sign was posted once the interior was complete, a sign that the owners were ready to open their doors and gift the public with tasty sandwiches. I walked down to the restaurant for dinner one night to finally see what the food was like… And my expections were turned over and left on the street to die.

The interior was somewhat inviting, complete with a fish tank and two large plasma tvs. Other than that, the place didn’t impress. You know the sign that most shops have to tell you where to line up to order? Yeah, it took me a whole 2 minutes to find the damned thing. Nope, your eyes aren’t tricking you – it took a full 2 minutes to locate the sign. When I walked in, everybody from the chefs in the back to the people at the register stared at me as if I dropped off some alien planet with transparent skin. There’s nothing wrong with looking, but please don’t stare at me. Pretty please with sugar on top. Anyway, I ordered a $10 sub and went to sit at a booth as I awaited my heavily hyped meal.

The booth was uncomfortable to say the least, the seats were too short and I felt quite cramped. But the wait for the sandwich wasn’t too long, as the waitress brought it to the table in a matter of minutes. Now here is where the problems begin.

The sandwich was set down on this black stone-like rectangular slab -BOOM- just like that. No paper or anything on the bottom, just sandwich bread meeting stone. But there wasn’t really a problem with that. I picked up my sub and immediately felt the soggy underside of the bread – gross. If that wasn’t unbearable enough, it also poured (not dripped, poured) oil onto the slab. I don’t mean to sound like a crabby old man off his meds, but that was the worst sub sandwich I’ve ever ingested – the top bread was hard, the meat was low grade, and there was something “industrial” about the whole experience. The most upsetting thing is that the sandwich itself costed $10. What? I could have taken that money down the block to Subway, and goten two delicious subs for that price. Along with the sandwich, I ordered a small bag of Lays and a medium cup of fruit punch. I’m sad to say it, but it’s a real shame when the fruit punch was the best part of the meal.

I’m usually not critical of my food, and I can count on one hand the number of unpleasant restaurant experiences I’ve had, but this one really takes the cake. For privacy purposes, I won’t disclose the name of the place I went to, but one thing’s for certain. They will never have to worry about Mr. Food Critic right here stepping through their doors ever again.

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2 thoughts on “My Night As A Food Critic

  1. Oh gosh, this sounds absolutely horrible. Especially for a $10 sandwich! What?!?! That’s ridiculously over priced! Hopefully it was just because of the newness of the shop but, from what you’ve described, it was probably just how the shop is. Which is a total bummer 😦

  2. LOOOL. That restaurant is too fancy to handle with their silverware aka a piece of stone -_- what the actual heck! And it’s $10!?!?! HUWAT? This is why I’m scared to eat at new restaurants and to try out food because I’m super picky, and I’m scared it’ll taste bad.

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