Pull Up Your Pants

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Seriously dude, nobody wants to see your boxers, briefs, underpants, or whatever you call it on your part of the globe.

You open your eyes, awakening to the sweet taste of honey in your mouth. This morning, you have awoken with a smile. A big beautiful rainbow fills the morning sky, casting a magnificent glow. Birds are chirping a lovely melody outside your bedroom window and you don’t even feel the slightest trace of fatigue. You sit up and decide to take a walk on this glorious day, so you casually moonwalk over to your closet and pick out your favorite outfit. You’re dressed and ready to go, and for some strange reason, you just cannot stop smiling. You pull on your shoes, leave through the front door, and turn around to face the angelic day that awaits. Until… BOOM!

You’re blinded by the white hot intensity of a thousand suns. You see a group of guys walking down the street, but it takes you a while to realize, because all you can see is underwear. Colorful briefs as far as the eye can see. You shield your freshly blinded eyes as the undergarment radiation is too much to bear, but the pain will not cease. The visual destruction forces you to your knees, and before you know it, you’re lying unconcious under that beautiful rainbow from earlier. You later awake to a small child poking you in the side with a stick. When you start to get up, he runs away in shock, screaming for his mommy. “Ahh, mommy it’s moving.”

Maybe I’m the minority here, but I prefer my pants on my waist. Firm, secure, with no chance of slipping for the world to see what’s underneath. That’s why it’s called underwear. Everyday we go outside and see males of all ages (even some females) sagging their pants. It’s gross, it’s unsightly, it’s disgraceful, and just plain ol’ improper. I’ve even seen some guys sag their pants below their cheeks and still have the audacity to put on a belt. As if their pants going any lower would change the blinding sight before us.

Please do us all a favor and have some goddamn class. Pull your pants to your waist, and keep them there. I don’t give a damn about your “swag” or whatever the hell you call that stupidity. Nobody wants to see your briefs. You can run around in your underwear all you want when you’re AT HOME. There are small children who look up to us all everyday, whether we know it or not. What kind of example are you setting if you don’t even know how to put on a pair of pants?

Simply put, I’ve lost all respect for you if you sag your pants. Pull them up, put on a belt, and at least try to be a functioning member of society, will you?

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